Did I mention that most clubs have dress codes? It occurred to me last night that of the 3 dozen or so excursions I'd been on, I had always been dressed in the clothes I wore to the office (i.e., button-down shirt, slacks and dress shoes). Yesterday was slightly different: I had just bought myself a new pair of Ipanema flip-flops, and was otherwise dressed in a plain t-shirt and jeans. Of course, this proved to have been a slight misstep, as none of the bars along Quezon Avenue would let us in. Granted, my two friends were in walking shorts, so we didn't exactly look like a trio of well-to-do citizens, if you know what I mean. I suppose it could be said that a combination of shorts, slippers and the fact that none of us were well-known rock stars was definitely going to cause problems gaining access to any of these places.
In short order, we attempted to get into 1) Heartbeat, Quezon Avenue, 2) Club Caxiopeia near Delta, 3) Marinara back near Stardust and 4) Catwalk beside it -- none of which would let us in. Catwalk was particularly laughable: if I had had any alcohol in me, I could've easily told the girl at the door off: "What do you mean you don't allow slippers? You fucking tool, my slippers are more expensive than your entire motherfucking outfit!"
After the rejection at Catwalk, we pretty much gave up on the entire Quezon Avenue area and started driving towards Timog. Now, as of mid-May 2007, there are only really two night-clubs left along Timog: one is this hole-in-the-wall called Skylark, and the other is a joint that's been around since the dawn of time -- Grand Amihan. (Eve's Venom -- the only other option -- finally gave up the ghost a few weeks back, as we all expected it would.) And as you can guess from the title of this entry, we didn't go with the Skylark option. Boy, was that ever a mistake.
Grand Amihan is a solid notch below any club I've ever been to. It had no A/C, used plastic chairs and tables, reeked of spilled beer, and just overall had the ambience of being the kind of place one should be ashamed to be in. (Clearly, it was: aside from us, there was only one other guest.)
As soon as we sat down, I honestly wanted to leave. We were about three feet away from a plywood stage where a girl who looked like she was in her late-20's (a dinosaur by night-club standards) was swaying glumly to Bon Jovi. What really bothered me though was how her nightie was sticking to her skin; she was sweating bullets up there, and not in a sexy way. After two really uncomfortable numbers, she walked off and was replaced by the Grand Amihan equivalent of a showroom. Basically, every girl in the joint (all 8 of them) gets up on stage and sways there for 5 minutes until a) they're chosen by a guest or b) the DJ runs out of subtly-sensual R&B songs to play.
This was a particularly awkward moment for me, seeing as the other guest already had a girl with him, and all the girls were looking right at us.
To be fair, they weren't all ugly. There was actually this one girl who looked like Zhang ZiYi if she had been raised in Tondo and made to work in an RTW factory. And this other girl who kinda reminded me of Judy Ann Santos. That's not to say that I would've picked either of them, because the simple fact was: we were in friggin' Grand Amihan, ladies and gents.
As I was sitting there appreciating the strangeness of this whole spectacle, an FM came over and asked me if I saw anyone I liked. Out of pure reflex (I swear), I said, "Depends ... how much does it cost?"
Now, before I tell you what she told me, I want to first qualify this by saying that it was very noisy at the time, and I wasn't close enough to hear her very well. It sounded to me like she said either "195 pesos for a ladies' drink," or (god forbid) "ninety-five pesos."
Given what we know about clubs at this point, can you make a guess how much a girl makes out of 195 pesos per hour? Yeah, about enough to buy a Burger McDo. With this thought milling around in my head, I informed the FM that we'd think about it, and then got up and walked off to the restroom. On my way out, I saw Zhang ZiYi sitting in the dark by herself, looking right at me. In my mind's eye, she was pleading, "Will you save me from this horrible, horrible place? Please?"
Thoroughly shaken by the thought, I made my way back to our table and asked for the bill. Unsurprisingly, the beer was cheaper here than in your average Bar & Grill: we paid a grand total of PhP190 pesos for six bottles. Ugh.
Showing posts with label nightclub. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nightclub. Show all posts
Sunday, June 3, 2007
Friday, June 1, 2007
Stardust
I personally do not know of any male my age from Quezon City who has not set foot inside Stardust at least once in their lives, but for those anomalous few: Stardust is a KTV club along Quezon Avenue, right smack in the middle of several other KTVs and massage parlors of varying degrees of quality. The entire strip of Quezon Avenue is generally regarded to be the red-light district of North Metro Manila, and as such, competition in the area is fairly high. Now, I happen to have a special sentimental attachment to Stardust because it was the first club I ever entered, and it's also the place that opened my eyes to the various intricacies of the girlie-bar world. (So if there's a smidgen of bias over the next few paragraphs, that's my official excuse.)
Pricing
GRO: PhP400/hour
Model: PhP560/hour
Solo: PhP800/hour*
Stardust's per-hour rate is traditionally based around drinks. PhP800 will get a solo girl a very large glass of very watered-down beer, which they will sip through a straw for about an hour while listening to you make an ass of yourself. If you're feeling particularly generous, you can spring for a PhP1200 mixed drink (I forget what's in it, but it's called a California). Theoretically this will soften your girl up quite a bit, not just because it's less watered-down, but also because she makes more money for her time. Like bus drivers, these girls' daily wage is based completely on commissions of about 15%-20% for each ladies drink she receives. Essentially that means that a California represents PhP240 to them, while a regular beer only represents PhP160.
Of course, these girls aren't the only ones drinking. Guests' beers -- real ones, in bottles -- will run you about PhP80 each, which isn't exactly cheap (although in the grand scheme of things, it's just slightly above the average). There's also a PhP200 consumable cover charge at the door. The beer pricing is interesting actually, because this is the primary way that these bars recoup costs from guests who don't table. On any given night, you will see only about half of the tables in Stardust with girls in them; the other half will be nursing beers and watching the show.
Additionally, VIP rooms at Stardust cost between PhP1,200 and PhP3,000, consumable for guests' drinks and food. (In other words, you can eat and drink as much as you want, but ladies' drinks are still charged separately.) It's very easy to forget this when you're locked in a room with a girl's breasts on your forehead, so keep that in mind. I've been slapped down with some fairly hefty bills this way, and all I can say is, thank God I was too drunk to argue at the time.
The Show
Although it is impossible to properly rate and rank these things (I'd have to be there every night to judge consistency), I would say that Stardust's floor shows are one of the best you can find in the Quezon City area. The Friday ones are particularly killer -- apart from the usual solos and models, there are beer tricks, lesbian coupling and a big 50%-off auction at midnight. As a result, it's usually a real bitch to find a table on Friday night, so I do not recommend going there past 11pm.
The Girls
Stardust has a fairly wide gamut of girls. I've never determined how many regular girls they actually have, but given that their showroom is 7 rows deep, 50 seems like a conservative estimate. Stardust girls will usually go on-stage with numbers pinned to their underwear so you can ask the FM about them at your leisure.
Ironically, I have only had direct experiences with two of those 50 girls, although there's one other one, Donita, who is worth visiting simply because she looks very much like a certain STI endorser. ("Donita" is not her real name of course, but if you happen to ask the FMs, they'll know who you're talking about.)
Stardust is the first and only club I've ever gone to without at least one other friend with me, and this was back when I was still a bit of a rookie. One of the FMs, "Lara," had to sit with me for almost half-an-hour while I hemmed and hawed about tabling. This was punctuated by two trips to the showroom; both times I honestly could not find anyone interesting. After a lot of unnecessary small-talk, I finally just asked her to bring me whoever she thought was good. Five minutes later, she comes back with a girl named "Kris" on her arm, and all was good in the world.
Now that I look back on that night, I realize that Lara was possibly the only FM I ever met who recommended the top-end girls instead of the girls that were (I guess you could say) second-tier selections. One of the FMs' jobs is to make sure that inventory is moved in the most efficient manner, which generally means that if they can get away with it, they will give you the unpopular girls first. (This has happened to me enough times in enough places that I have actually gotten quite used to it.)
So yeah, as you can imagine, Kris was totally solo quality. Fair skin, pouty lips, expressive eyes, and -- at the risk of offending my predominantly female readership -- a very fine rack. Of course, that was all before she spoke. Kris was, as became apparent within the first two seconds of being introduced to her, a native of Bacolod, and her accent was quite typical of the region. Now, I don't generally care about accents that much, but let's just say it's difficult to get really hot and heavy with someone when they talk like the fuckin' laundrywoman.
That's not to say that I didn't get anything going though. Being a warm-blooded male in his mid-20's, I forged bravely ahead regardless. It was my first time alone in this adult Disneyland, and I went on to spend the next two hours momoling* the crap out of Kris in a VIP room the size of a large water closet. (Unfortunately I never had the guts to go beyond that, as I had promised myself I wouldn't stay longer than 2 hours no matter what.)
On hindsight though, it was totally within the realm of possibility that I could've gone all the way to the gimik phase with her if I had had the stones to ask. (And by that, I mean, without paying for it.) I'm not a super-attractive guy by anyone's standards, but considering that the audience at the time was composed of fathers in their 50's and dudes that looked like they fixed Betamaxes for a living, I was easily the hottest guy in the joint.
Towards the end of our second hour, Kris had given me her real name, her mobile number and a general idea of where she lived, just in case I ever felt like visiting her in the daytime. I never actually got around to using any of that info though, mostly because I could not imagine having a real-life conversation with her anywhere but in the most private of settings. Still, I did enjoy myself, so it's not like anyone would be twisting my arm to hang out with her again.
Interesting sidenote: as I was leaving, it occurred to me that it might be a good idea to give her a tip. It wasn't a huge amount -- just PhP500 -- but for some reason, she stared right past it. After about two seconds, I sheepishly put the money away and said my goodbyes. To this day, I have no idea if she was insulted by the amount (I doubt it), or if she felt that I was going out of my way to remind her that she was, in fact, a bar-girl (possibly).
Either way, I stopped trying to tip the girls after that. If they genuinely liked you, they wouldn't need it, and if they didn't like you, then you wouldn't feel like giving it anyway, so what's the point?**
*MOMOL = make-out-make-out-lang
**I still tip the FMs though, just because you get small favors out of it later, e.g., they'll often let you reserve a girl over SMS if you notify them early enough.
Pricing
GRO: PhP400/hour
Model: PhP560/hour
Solo: PhP800/hour*
Stardust's per-hour rate is traditionally based around drinks. PhP800 will get a solo girl a very large glass of very watered-down beer, which they will sip through a straw for about an hour while listening to you make an ass of yourself. If you're feeling particularly generous, you can spring for a PhP1200 mixed drink (I forget what's in it, but it's called a California). Theoretically this will soften your girl up quite a bit, not just because it's less watered-down, but also because she makes more money for her time. Like bus drivers, these girls' daily wage is based completely on commissions of about 15%-20% for each ladies drink she receives. Essentially that means that a California represents PhP240 to them, while a regular beer only represents PhP160.
Of course, these girls aren't the only ones drinking. Guests' beers -- real ones, in bottles -- will run you about PhP80 each, which isn't exactly cheap (although in the grand scheme of things, it's just slightly above the average). There's also a PhP200 consumable cover charge at the door. The beer pricing is interesting actually, because this is the primary way that these bars recoup costs from guests who don't table. On any given night, you will see only about half of the tables in Stardust with girls in them; the other half will be nursing beers and watching the show.
Additionally, VIP rooms at Stardust cost between PhP1,200 and PhP3,000, consumable for guests' drinks and food. (In other words, you can eat and drink as much as you want, but ladies' drinks are still charged separately.) It's very easy to forget this when you're locked in a room with a girl's breasts on your forehead, so keep that in mind. I've been slapped down with some fairly hefty bills this way, and all I can say is, thank God I was too drunk to argue at the time.
The Show
Although it is impossible to properly rate and rank these things (I'd have to be there every night to judge consistency), I would say that Stardust's floor shows are one of the best you can find in the Quezon City area. The Friday ones are particularly killer -- apart from the usual solos and models, there are beer tricks, lesbian coupling and a big 50%-off auction at midnight. As a result, it's usually a real bitch to find a table on Friday night, so I do not recommend going there past 11pm.
The Girls
Stardust has a fairly wide gamut of girls. I've never determined how many regular girls they actually have, but given that their showroom is 7 rows deep, 50 seems like a conservative estimate. Stardust girls will usually go on-stage with numbers pinned to their underwear so you can ask the FM about them at your leisure.
Ironically, I have only had direct experiences with two of those 50 girls, although there's one other one, Donita, who is worth visiting simply because she looks very much like a certain STI endorser. ("Donita" is not her real name of course, but if you happen to ask the FMs, they'll know who you're talking about.)
Stardust is the first and only club I've ever gone to without at least one other friend with me, and this was back when I was still a bit of a rookie. One of the FMs, "Lara," had to sit with me for almost half-an-hour while I hemmed and hawed about tabling. This was punctuated by two trips to the showroom; both times I honestly could not find anyone interesting. After a lot of unnecessary small-talk, I finally just asked her to bring me whoever she thought was good. Five minutes later, she comes back with a girl named "Kris" on her arm, and all was good in the world.
Now that I look back on that night, I realize that Lara was possibly the only FM I ever met who recommended the top-end girls instead of the girls that were (I guess you could say) second-tier selections. One of the FMs' jobs is to make sure that inventory is moved in the most efficient manner, which generally means that if they can get away with it, they will give you the unpopular girls first. (This has happened to me enough times in enough places that I have actually gotten quite used to it.)
So yeah, as you can imagine, Kris was totally solo quality. Fair skin, pouty lips, expressive eyes, and -- at the risk of offending my predominantly female readership -- a very fine rack. Of course, that was all before she spoke. Kris was, as became apparent within the first two seconds of being introduced to her, a native of Bacolod, and her accent was quite typical of the region. Now, I don't generally care about accents that much, but let's just say it's difficult to get really hot and heavy with someone when they talk like the fuckin' laundrywoman.
That's not to say that I didn't get anything going though. Being a warm-blooded male in his mid-20's, I forged bravely ahead regardless. It was my first time alone in this adult Disneyland, and I went on to spend the next two hours momoling* the crap out of Kris in a VIP room the size of a large water closet. (Unfortunately I never had the guts to go beyond that, as I had promised myself I wouldn't stay longer than 2 hours no matter what.)
On hindsight though, it was totally within the realm of possibility that I could've gone all the way to the gimik phase with her if I had had the stones to ask. (And by that, I mean, without paying for it.) I'm not a super-attractive guy by anyone's standards, but considering that the audience at the time was composed of fathers in their 50's and dudes that looked like they fixed Betamaxes for a living, I was easily the hottest guy in the joint.
Towards the end of our second hour, Kris had given me her real name, her mobile number and a general idea of where she lived, just in case I ever felt like visiting her in the daytime. I never actually got around to using any of that info though, mostly because I could not imagine having a real-life conversation with her anywhere but in the most private of settings. Still, I did enjoy myself, so it's not like anyone would be twisting my arm to hang out with her again.
Interesting sidenote: as I was leaving, it occurred to me that it might be a good idea to give her a tip. It wasn't a huge amount -- just PhP500 -- but for some reason, she stared right past it. After about two seconds, I sheepishly put the money away and said my goodbyes. To this day, I have no idea if she was insulted by the amount (I doubt it), or if she felt that I was going out of my way to remind her that she was, in fact, a bar-girl (possibly).
Either way, I stopped trying to tip the girls after that. If they genuinely liked you, they wouldn't need it, and if they didn't like you, then you wouldn't feel like giving it anyway, so what's the point?**
*MOMOL = make-out-make-out-lang
**I still tip the FMs though, just because you get small favors out of it later, e.g., they'll often let you reserve a girl over SMS if you notify them early enough.
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