The Standard Conversation

The Standard Conversation

I've been nursing a theory for awhile now that people who work in call centers will take to the girlie-bar scene really, really well, mostly because there are very deliberate snippets of dialogue that all of these girls use consistently. The opening conversation, after the hi's and hello's, is usually thus:

GIRL: San kayo umuuwi? (Where do you go home?)
GUY: ** state a random location. ** My usual responses include: "Sa 2nd floor ng Stardust" (Stardust's second floor), "Wala, natutulog lang ako sa office" (Nowhere, I just sleep at the office), or if I'm feeling like a wise-ass, "Sa bahay" (At a house)

GIRL: Ilang taon ka na? (How old are you?)
GUY: ** pull number out of ass ** My usual response: "Hulaan mo" (Guess.), followed by the obvious question of old she is.

Generally speaking, the response you give during these first two exchanges will define the tone for the rest of your evening. Veterans will usually have a handful of different responses; newbies will usually reply with real answers. I've learned to stretch these first two questions out to a 15-minute conversation almost -- it's a special skill you absorb from the leatherette.

There are also a bunch of other bits of dialogue that you need to watch out for:

1. "Nilalamig ako!" (I'm cold!)
When a girl first said this to me, I got up and turned the A/C down. What a chump. When a girl says this it usually means it's ok for you to put your arms around them, or give them a hug, or (in some rare cases), place your big, warm hands over their semi-exposed bosom. (Wouldn't want them to catch a cold, after all.)

2. "3 months pa lang ako dito" (I've only been working here for 3 months)
For some reason, 90% of the girls I've tabled tell me this, as if I would value them less if they tell me they've been working in that club for over a decade. (Ok, fine, maybe I would.)

When talking about some of their other regular guests:
3. "Pero mas gusto naman kita dun!" (But of course I like you a lot more than that guy!)

When observing the general crowd:
4. "Yak, parang andaming manyak!" (Yuck, they all look like pervs!)
This is a thinly-veiled attempt at getting you to stay longer, in order to rescue them from having to be tabled by perverts.

When you're about to leave:
5. "Ba't ganun, di ka pa umaalis, namimiss na kita!" (You haven't even left yet, and I already miss you!)

Via SMS, a variation of #5:
6. "Mizhu beh!"
This one's a real classic, because it works so well. Short of saying that you're wet and waiting, there's not much else a girl can say that'll bring the guys running than a heartfelt (albeit txt-mangled) "I miss you, baby!"